Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize