your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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