He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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