How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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