Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize