do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
