I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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