I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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