Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
