You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
