he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize