i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
