so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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