After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.