Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell