I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.