I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found a bag of teeth...
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL