I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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