I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.