you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow