I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay