At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
