So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize