I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize