I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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