Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
