I'm jealous of your bromance
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
3 2 1 whiskey
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
