Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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