Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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