I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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