I think I won the penis lottery.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize