im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
