If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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