The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They are going to name an STD after you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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