life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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