We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
