I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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