no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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