It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
