I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
