Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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