is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.