I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?