oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
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did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family