Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?