His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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