I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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