She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
