my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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