i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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