it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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