The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize