"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
