ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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