someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
