So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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