Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
