therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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